i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I forgot how hot balto sounded
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
