Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
