I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
They have beer where we have blood.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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