So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
