Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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