I could make wine with my vomit
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
