Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
