why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
