I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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