You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
