no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
