The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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