I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
