Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
