Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
