hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
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