Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Randomize
