im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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