Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
My life is pants optional.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
