Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
