We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
