thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
