Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
