oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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