I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
