I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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