the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
