my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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