I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
