If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
