Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize