why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
