You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
