And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
