Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Randomize