how can u be prego again
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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