Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
