Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize