i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
barbara walters just said penis...
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize