so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
