Can i not drive my cunt home
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
