Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
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