Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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