I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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