yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
