My hand turned me down
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
