I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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