Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
