the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
