I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
