how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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