**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
