i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
