If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
