i barfeds in our rink
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
