I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
