i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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