What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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