Swine flu. Run for my life!
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
