You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
